


hold my hand (read: heart)

by stardots



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Confessions, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Slight Humor, halloween fic, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-20 02:53:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12423609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardots/pseuds/stardots
Summary: “I know Halloween is in two days so I’m awfully late, and there’s no chance they have any Nintendo costumes here, but I want to match with you.”Mark clears his throat, hoping his voice doesn’t betray him by cracking or being squeaky. “In Walmart costumes?”“In Walmart costumes.” Jaehyun confirms, grinning.





	hold my hand (read: heart)

**Author's Note:**

> One self-indulgent jaemark coming up!
> 
> I wanted to write something short among all my longer-than-planned wips, and in case I don't finish my other halloween fics I have at least posted SOMETHING.
> 
> This is set in smalltown america, which isn't really important but kind of is.
> 
> NOTE: the word s**cide is mentioned, but just in terms of the name of the drink.

His phone lights up, a message reading “i’m here” now on the screen above some game notifications. Mark closes his chemistry book, because he  _ can _ and  _ will _ give up studying for a lame test if it means he gets to spend time with Jaehyun. He bolts downstairs, yelling a goodbye to his mom as he slips on his shoes. He knows he’s good to go when she screams a drink request in return.

Mark takes a deep breath, double checking his reflection, and checks if his converse are tied as well. After giving himself the okay, he grabs his wallet and phone. Leaving the house, Mark tries to do a so-called confident stride to Jaehyun’s car. Relief washes over him when he opens the door to find Jaehyun on his phone, not scrutinizing every single one of Mark’s moves. They greet each other, and Mark closes the door. 

He starts off trying to sound cool: “You know I can drive now, right?”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow, expression teasing as he sticks his phone into a cup holder. “Oh, Mr. Adult doesn’t want to be seen riding shotgun?” 

“It’s not what I meant,” Mark wants to roll his eyes, but he doesn’t. “Like… If it’s a hassle for you, or whatever, I can start driving to wherever we plan on meeting?”

“It’s not.” Jaehyun reassures, smiling. Mark smiles, too.

“I have to get mom a drink on the way back,” Mark quips as he fastens his seatbelt. Jaehyun hums, shifts gear, and backs out of the driveway of Mark’s house. He almost hits the skeleton decoration at the end of it. “She wants a suicide, of all things.”

“Your  _ mom  _ wants a suicide?” Mark just shrugs at the other’s inquiry, looking down at his phone to scroll through facebook. “I guess we’ll go to McDonald’s afterwards and get food then, too.” Jaehyun halts, hesitates, continues. “If that’s okay with you, of course.”

Mark blinks, as if the answer to that question isn’t obvious. “Oh. Yeah.” 

Then again, Mark thinks, this situation is a little different than usual. 

They fall into silence. Mark pretends to busy himself with his phone to keep his hands and fingers from shaking, his chest tight with a suffocating feeling (he knows the root of it). Donghyuck has sent an odd angled selfie on snapchat, and Mark replies with his own, discreetly making sure the other can tell who’s car Mark is currently in. Jaehyun is mumbling along to the lyrics of Aly & AJ’s new single, rather passionately, and Mark can’t help but smile as he stares unblinkingly while the screen of his phone turns black. 

“What got you spacing out?” Jaehyun asks, stopping mid-note, eyes flickering to Mark for a second. 

“How our trial period is up soon.” Mark states, because those were the words Jaehyun used when he kind of- _ maybe _ -possibly asked Mark out. They’re just trying out things for now, and Mark is (wants to be) totally cool with that. “Have you thought about renewing the subscription, entering your credit card info, etcetera?”

Jaehyun snorts, reaching his right hand over to place on top of Mark’s. Eyes on the road, he fumbles around a little, knuckles knocking against Mark’s thigh. Jaehyun hits jackpot eventually, ignoring the fact that Mark’s hand is jittery; just holding it in his own as they ride on the highway. 

“Well,” Jaehyun waits for their laughter to die down before he continues, having to let go of Mark’s hand to use his blinker. “I still have a few days to decide, haven’t tried out all the features and stuff.”

“That’s like, an ambiguous reply.” Mark deadpans, and Jaehyun curses out another driver. “I don’t know if my marketing head will be too happy to hear that.”

Jaehyun remains silent and focused as he parks, the Walmart sign with a broken ‘m’ shining behind his head. Mark thinks the view is beautiful. “I’ll give a proper review later, I’m quite busy right now.”

“Busy with what?” Mark asks, giggling. He walks next to Jaehyun when they leave the car. Close, but not too close. An acceptable distance to a person you’re  _ not _ dating. “Cause like, you know, I fit my Luigi costume from last year. I was gonna wear it.”

“I don’t have a Mario costume, so that wouldn’t work.” Mark feels his cheeks heat up, and bites his lip to calm himself down. Jaehyun is the true definition of a crush, and Mark is such a goner; it’s bad. “I know Halloween is in two days so I’m awfully late, and there’s no fucking chance they have any Nintendo costumes here, but I want to match with you.”

Mark clears his throat, hoping his voice doesn’t betray him by cracking or being squeaky. “In Walmart costumes?”

“In Walmart costumes.” Jaehyun confirms, grinning. 

Neither of them bother starting up the “why doesn't this god forsaken town have a Target instead” complaining round. They don’t need the filler conversations with each other anymore. It’s a small town, and Mark is carefully scanning the lot for any familiar cars. He doesn’t like when people talk, even though it’s unavoidable. He just wants Jaehyun for himself, really.

“You know what I want? Toaster strudels.” Jaehyun scratches the back of his head, eyeing the frozen section placed conveniently close to the entrance once they make their way inside. “Really bad, actually.”

“We’re supposed to start over in the non-food first, especially the warmer areas.” Getting a cart, Mark places his foot on the bottom tray, kicking away towards the Halloween themed part of the store. He hears Jaehyun lightly jogging behind him, catching up when they’re by the maxi bag candy shelves. “That took you a while.”

Jaehyun huffs, “Excuse me,” He pushes Mark off the cart, taking over the momentary kicking scooter. “I’m getting old, and have  _ not  _ been doing cross-country this fall like a certain someone has.” 

“Dude, two year difference.”

“I’m decaying!”

Mark ignores Jaehyun’s gurgling, takes a sharp turn among some shelves and is met with rows upon rows of children’s costumes. He vaguely remembers his mom bringing him here as a kid, letting him choose what he wants to wear while trick or treating. Behind some fairy princess costume, he spots a Courage the Cowardly Dog onesie he’s pretty sure has been in stock for at least a decade, unsold. 

Jaehyun’s sneakers squeak against the floor as he kicks the cart forward. Mark turns around to face him, only to see the other scanning the shelves like he would actually fit into an age 10-12 sized Batman costume. The other doesn’t stop to actually get something, which is a good thing, so they make it to the next aisle without any problems. 

The first things displayed in the adult section are various animal headbands with or without matching tails. Mark searches through the display throughly, just for a joke. After a few moments, he picks out a wolf set, removing the items from its packaging without any hassle (due to it obviously having been removed before). 

“God, Mark,  _ yes _ .” Jaehyun laughs, watching as Mark attaches the tail to the hem of his jeans. The ears are seemingly kid sized, but the band fits atop of Mark’s head perfectly. He poses when Jaehyun brings up his phone, snapping a picture. 

“Imagine being a furry and  _ willingly _ getting this.” Mark does a twirl, wolf tail dangling behind him. He feels his ears, wishing there was a mirror somewhere so he could see how ridiculous he looks. Jaehyun makes a noise, and Mark gasps. “Oh shit, I forgot you  _ are  _ one.”

“What— no!” Jaehyun places both hands on Mark’s shoulders, pronouncing his words clearly, as if he was trying to teach a kid to say a curse word.  “I was.  _ Was! _ ”

Mark giggles, “I believe you, ex-furry.” He lets his eyes drift to the small spot under Jaehyun’s bottom lip, a scar from a ring that once used to be there. He vividly recalls the one year where Jaehyun had black hair, and a long fringe dyed in various colors depending on Jaehyun’s mood. He shakes the image away, taking in the fuckboy-esque style Jaehyun currently adorns, just a little closer to something in-laws will accept. He’s so handsome, and Mark craves to be buried six feet under. 

“Ugh, shut up. But good.” Jaehyun pulls away, tapping on the screen of his phone again. Seconds later he holds it up, showing Mark the picture he has taken, captioned with some spoopy emojis. “Can I, uh, post this on my story?”

Mark feels himself blush, because that’s a first. It’s a cute picture, it won’t embarrass Mark at all, but he’s reading between lines. He tries to stop, but he can’t. Instead of continuing to overthink, trying to figure out what the request  _ really  _ means, Mark nods. Jaehyun smiles and uploads it, leaving Mark suddenly wanting to have access to his account so he can see everyone who view the photo. 

“So,” Mark puts away the tail and ears, turning to face Jaehyun again. “What costumes should we get?”

Jaehyun shrugs, picking out a rip-off Pikachu suit and mask for kids. “Seems like they  _ do  _ have Nintendo costumes here. Let’s find the Mario to your Luigi!”

They roam the aisles, although fruitlessly, as the deformed Pikachu was the only thing the store seemed to carry from the famous game brand. They fall into a silence again, genuinely trying to find something wearable among the bottom-of-the-barrell leftover costumes, but coming up practically empty handed. There’s not even  _ two  _ vampire teeth sets left. 

“Hey,” Mark starts, catching Jaehyun’s attention. He points to a collection of humor suits hanging side by side. “Didn’t you, Johnny and Yuta wear these your senior year?” 

Jaehyun stares at the banana, hot dog and bacon costumes, trying to suppress the memory, but failing. “Fuck, we did.” He glances around, then excitedly pats Mark’s back, grabbing a pack not far from where they are and handing it to the other. “Perfect for you.”

“Don’t make that awful jailbait joke!” Mark chides as he takes in the prisoner costume, lightly punching Jaehyun’s shoulder. “I know we live in hick capital, but you know better, Jae.”

“I don’t joke about shit like that, I was kind of referring to the one time when you were sixteen and Johnny let you come along to Ten’s party—” Mark smacks Jaehyun again.

“We do  _ not  _ speak of that one time.”

“Well, if we’re not,” Jaehyun challenges, pointing to an offending basket at the end of the aisle. It’s filled with various animal heads, ranging from sharks to bunnies. “Then you don’t have any right to mention what we’re seeing over there.”

“I wasn’t planning on it, but,” Mark can’t help himself; he laughs. “I love this furry catering Walmart got going on.”

“You can  _ walk  _ home.”

In the end, they decide on getting red shirts, some white fabric, super glue and textile markers. They’re going to (make Renjun) make Thing 1 and Thing 2 shirts, with the help of Mark’s crafty neighbor and friend, Renjun. The materials needed are easily found. They’ve been in the store so many times before, Mark is sure both of them knows the inventory by heart. 

Pushing their cart from one side to the other, they make it to the frozen section again. Jaehyun gets his toaster strudels, a bunch of red bull, and a huge pack of twizzlers. Mark gets a pack of reese's pieces and some gum. Jaehyun insists on paying for Mark’s candy (and everything else, really), so Mark hands the other a crumpled five dollar bill for the t-shirt, at least. Since he paid, Jaehyun forces Mark to carry the bags to the car. Mark wouldn’t complain, but he does when the handles of the bag with red bull cans hurts his fingers. 

McDonald’s is just across the highway, the ride there quick. Jaehyun doesn’t wear his seatbelt, and Mark makes a joke about recognizing the driver in the car they park next to as the sheriff.

“You’re being awfully cheeky today,” Jaehyun huffs, yet he smiles, locking his car. “What’s gotten into you?”

Mark shrugs, holding the door open for the other and let’s the smell of junk food ooze outside. “More like what  _ hasn’t _ gotten into me. The answer is chicken nuggets.”

“Menu?” Jaehyun asks, fishing up his wallet again. Mark nods appreciatively. 

When they get their order, they sit down in the booth Mark always sits in with his friends. He knows it’s Jaehyun’s go-to as well. The food gets eaten in silence at first, but Mark has words inside him eating their way out of his mouth. He knows Jaehyun is unsuspecting about what is about to be brought up, but maybe he’s not. Mark needs to get things cleared out and clarified before he lets himself fall deeper. 

“Jae,” He starts, which catches Jaehyun’s attention. “I like you, a whole damn lot. I know you know, but like, I need to know if you would want to actually call me something more than a friend.”

A group of teenagers walk in, laughing, silencing the conversation between the two. Jaehyun is probably waiting for the people to be out of earshot before responding, but his silence is turning into white burning anxiety for Mark. He can’t wait, and continues speaking. 

“Do you think it’s weird? Because I get that, I really do.” Mark hides his hands under the table, out of sight from Jaehyun. They’re trembling, much like his voice, and Mark wants to hide along with them. “I’m kinda like, your best friend’s little brother? We’ve grown up like that, sorta. Like, you and Johnny, me just tagging along after you guys because as my cousin, Johnny was forced to play with me.”

He looks up, and sees Jaehyun in thought. He’s staring directly at Mark, and Mark feels his heart beating hard. The whole situation is making Mark’s head hurt, and he wants to use the dull ache as an excuse to escape the awkward, but they need to have this conversation. Chicken nuggets and double cheese burgers are forgotten.

Jaehyun sighs, “I really don’t think it’s weird.” He runs a hand through his hair, a habit Mark adores so fucking much. “You’re your own person, Mark. I don’t view you as my best friend’s younger whatever anymore, but I confess to have done so in the past. I see you as… as  _ Mark, _ someone I have a big, fat, puppy crush on.”

“Puppy crush?” Mark snorts, the weight that was suffocating him dispersing immediately. His chest is in knots again, but it doesn’t feel as painful as before. “You’re not in high school anymore.”

“I know.” The atmosphere is light again. Maybe a little shaky. Jaehyun does this breathless laugh, and it’s wonderful. Mark can’t help but paint Jaehyun in the light of a saint, even if that’s not fitting. “I can still have crushes, I’m human.”

“I guess, yes, and like,” Mark lets the tip of his converse touch Jaehyun’s foot, playful. “I have one on you, so we’re even.”

“Oh, definitely.”

Jaehyun stands up, moving to Mark’s side and shoving the other further into the booth. He sits next to him, their thighs touching. Mark holds his breath, not daring to move a muscle. He wants to say something witty, or perhaps hold Jaehyun’s hand, but he’s afraid he’ll stutter or fucking punch Jaehyun in the face. Jaehyun takes one of Mark’s hands into his, and Mark’s inner torment finally calms down. 

“Is this okay?” Jaehyun asks, a quiet whisper, and Mark feels his skin burn. “Not too sudden?”

Mark tries to smile reassuringly, but it comes off a little strange. Maybe. “No, it’s fine.” 

The chicken nuggets and double cheese burgers are again being eaten, disappearing among private conversations. One of the cashiers shoots them a look once, but returns to working after the giggling and flirting becomes too gross for her. When they finish their meals, Mark takes the empty size large cup and fills it with some of all the sodas provided.

“The strudels have probably melted.” Mark comments as they get into Jaehyun’s car, putting his mom’s drink in the cupholder. “Isn’t it bad to refreeze them?” 

“Lies,” Jaehyun has no fear of salmonella, it’s common knowledge. How could Mark forget? “They’re still tasty, it’s what matters.”

Mark laughs, genuinely happy. “Right.”

The lights are still on in the living room when they reach Mark’s house. It’s not that late. Mark doesn’t want to leave the car, not now, when he feels so much at once. Jaehyun turns down the volume of the music slightly, looking over. He’s smiling, and Mark returns it. 

Mark has kissed people, small pecks, dares at birthday parties and lock-ins when the teachers were snoozing off. He hasn’t had his first  _ kiss,  _ more than a short smack, and he doesn’t mind that it happens in a car in front of his house. The skin of Jaehyun’s palm feels soft against his cheek, his lips wet from when he licked them before leaning in. Mark thinks it’s weird, but he likes it.

Mark just really likes Jaehyun, and apparently (thank god), Jaehyun likes him, too. 

**Author's Note:**

> i came here to portray awkward crushes i hope you enjoyed


End file.
